In general, it is easy to lose your sense of self in education. This year, all of my curriculum is canned, which, I get it – it’s best for student learning. But all of my personality and creativity is drained out of the learning process entirely. At the same time, maybe it was my personality and idea of rigor that was holding the kids back and not letting them perform as well as the state and tests like the ACT desire… I feel like I cannot be my true self at this job. And it’s not this school district at all. I’m far too edgy to be a teacher in my opinion. I want to call a cat – a cat and a dog – a dog, but you can’t in public education. And no, my example is not about the LGBTQIA+ community. My example is about wanting to call kids out on their BS. I want to be able to say what I want to say. I want to be able to talk ‘shop’ with kids who want to shoot the shit with me. I’m balancing on a delicate tight rope of professional and non-professional.
I’m not trying to have a pity party, but I do not feel like I belong. I’m not cut from the same cloth as all of these other teachers. I can’t be who the system wants me to be.
I feel like I don’t impress my administration. I feel as if the other staff judges me and doesn’t include me. Everyone else is in such a different stage of life compared to me. I have no children. I’m married, but when I go home, no one else is there to greet me at the door other than my bundle of energy dog. No one else understands the military lifestyle – the long distance physical and emotional distance.